Genesis of a DBA UniversePosted: August 17, 2006
One of the Oracle DBAs at work passed this on to me from www.orafaq.com and I had a good chuckle at it:
- In the beginning was the disk array, and all was empty
and raw, and UNIX moved over the face of the platters.
And the DBA said: Let there be Oracle. And there was
Oracle. And the environmental variables were set and
the disks were striped and mirrored and the OFA was
established, and behold spindle was rent asunder from
spindle. And the DBA saw that all was in spec.
And it was day and it was evening of the first day.
And the DBA said: Let there be scripts. And sql.bsq
brought forth myriad crawling things upon the face of
the array. And catalog.sql brought forth all manner of
tables and views that swim unseen beneath the waters.
And catproc.sql brought forth all the built-in
programs and all the hosts of the air, that the users
might be given wings and take fight over the data.
And it was day and it was evening of the second day.
And the DBA said: Let there be tablepaces. And there
were tablespaces. And the network administrator looked
upon the disk array and did see what the tablespaces
had wrought upon the disk arrays, and he did gnash his
teeth and seek a new work upon the Internet with an
engine of search.
And it was day and it was evening of the third day.
And the DBA created users. Male and female he created
them. And he said unto the users: Thou mayest create
tables and views as thou wilt. Yea, though mayest
create even indexes upon the data. Only meddle not
with the system tablespace, for it is a holy place,
and on the day wherein thou treadest upon it, on that
day thy create session shall surely be revoked. And
the serpent crept among the users and whispered to
them, saying: Thine roles shall not be revoked. Taste
ye all of the system tablespace, for ye shall know of
b-trees and hints and ye shall be as DBAs. And the
users heeded the serpent and filled the system
tablespace with crap. And the instance did crash and
the client did wax wroth at the DBA. And the DBA did
gnash his teeth and partake of the fruit of the vine,
for behold the users were permanent employees and the
DBA was but a contractor and could not revoke their
And it was day and it was evening of the fourth day.
And the DBA did set default tablespaces and temporary
tablespaces and did lock down all that was upon the
face of the array with roles and profiles and all
manner of quotas, yea even from the rollback segments
even unto the archived redo logs.
And it was day and it was evening of the fifth day.
And the DBA created synonyms and links and did tune
the server and apply patches upon the face of the
And it was day and it was evening of the sixth day.
And on the seventh day the DBA did rest from all the
labors of the creation. And his pager did ring and he
ceased from resting and did spend his sabbath on the
telephone with Oracle support. And by the time the DBA
got through to someone who knew wherof they spake
behold it was day and it was evening of the eighth
And the DBA waxed wroth.